Learning to Breathe
by SunshineandSparkles
Summary: They're more alike than either of them want to admit. A war brought them together through the cruelest and vilest of ways. Considered to be outsiders because of their past, two people form a companionship while dealing with their broken souls together.
1. Alive

**Author's Note:** First time writing Harry Potter and actually sharing it with other people. I normally write for myself and absolutely no one else gets to read it (because it's mostly junk). However, this story was different when I started it and here I am.

A special thanks to my beta, EatSleepReadWriteRepeat for making sure I didn't write too crazy or anything.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, nor am I the wonderful J.K. Rowling. I am making absolutely no money from this work of writing.

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CHAPTER ONE

ALIVE

The sun was setting as Headmistress Minerva McGonagall finished writing the final draft of the letter she was intent on sending before the day was done. She had spent most of the afternoon rewording the letter, trying to sound urgent but not making it seem like she was putting a lot of pressure on the recipient. The recipient after all had vanished from the wizarding world completely since the final battle against Voldemort; now was a time to coax the woman out of hiding instead of getting the only connection to her cut off.

Minerva sighed as she finally penned her name at the bottom of the parchment. She flicked her wand and watched as it folded itself up and gently found homage in an envelope. "I sure hope this works." Was her only response as she tied the envelope to her trusted owl. "Go on. You know the way." She urged bitterly.

Sitting back at her large desk Minerva began to think about the events that had played out leading to the final time she had seen the woman she desperately wanted to come back to Hogwarts.

* * *

Minerva was standing near Molly Weasley when her eyes caught sight of a former student. She watched as the young woman who even from a distance looked like she had aged more years than she should have darted up and down the rows of bodies as if she was looking for someone in particular. Before she was about to excuse herself to go talk to her former student, Minerva was pulled into a tearful hug by Molly. The movement in itself had caused Minvera to lose sight of the woman she was wishing to speak with and had no choice but to continue to console Molly and the others around them.

It was a time of mourning. There had been an uncountable amount of deaths in the last several months leading up to the final battle; it was simply impossible to not have been affected. Whether it was old professors, not-so-great-of-friend classmates, friends, neighbors, or family, every person was affected.

The woman Minerva had seen wasn't excluded from the mourning. Though she was void of emotion on her face, the woman was filled with regret, anger, and fury; it was her own way of mourning. When the search for the one she needed to see failed in the Great Hall she left, intent on finding his body if it was the last thing she did. She had stayed alive long enough to help fight, and now that she was alive after the fact she wanted to make sure there was still a reason to live. It wasn't a want anymore, it was a need. If he was dead, and she knew very well that he was most probably dead, then she wouldn't fight against the universe anymore, she'd find someone to kill her if she couldn't do it herself.

He was her last chance at survival. She needed to know, one way or another, with her own eyes if he was still alive.

A small group of men were heading up a few floors to bring down some injured folks and she tagged along behind them, unable to keep up with their pace she allowed herself to lag behind farther and farther. Every corner they turned there was something within that reminded them of the events that had just taken place. Blood was found here and there; missing spots in the wall where curses had hit when their target was missed; in some places whole parts of the corridor had been taken out like an explosion had occurred and they had to levitate pieces of debris away to get through to the other side.

They eventually had swept the remainder of the castle for any other living souls when she descended the stairs. She quickened her pace as much as she could with her injured foot when she saw familiar black robes at the foot of the stairs. Her logical mind was telling her not to get her hopes up but something in her gut knew it was the man she was looking for. A few stairs away she slowed before she joined him at the bottom though she knew that she had been heard already.

It was strangely quiet at the foot of the stairs, almost as if neither of them were breathing. "You're alive." He spoke just as loud as he knew she could hear him.

She didn't reply at first as she eyed the people come in and out of the poor school building, none of them paying any attention to their near silent encounter. "So are you." She murmured, still neither of them were facing each other.

His hair was disheveled, ratted in the back with a bit of blood beginning to dry on his scalp and his black cloak was stained with blood and torn. He was missing a shoe. None of it bothered him though, he was in a state of shock wondering how he was still alive. How the woman beside him was still alive and walking when all odds pointed her in the direction of death the last time he had seen her.

"I tried to come back for you." His voice was still quiet but was now softer than she had ever heard it before.

She was quick to reply. "I know you did." She paused. "We're alive." She reminded.

He let out a slow deep sigh in return. There weren't words to explain the thoughts in his head.

"You should probably find your shoe, sir." She said with a smirk after a couple of minutes of silence. She had no intention of letting him respond and she left, leaving him standing there unsure of what to do or say at that moment.

He had no idea that those few moments at the foot of the stairs were going to be the last that he saw of her for years.


	2. Anything But Normal

**Author's Notes:** Thank you to those who favorited, followed and reviewed chapter one of this story. It made this past week a lot better knowing I have someone interested in my writing.

A special thank you to EatSleepReadWriteRepeat for being my beta again.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, nor am I the wonderful and very talented J.K. Rowling. I am making absolutely no money for this work of writing.

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CHAPTER TWO

ANYTHING BUT NORMAL

Since the arrival of the confirmation letter from their guest arriving at five o'clock sharp on that particular Thursday, Minerva had been in a better mood. She wasn't in a happy mood per say, considering that it had taken nearly two months since she sent her letter of request in the first place for this meeting to finally occur. Regardless, the Headmistress was pleased of the arrival of their guest, due in a few minutes time.

The door leading into Minerva's office opened and then slammed shut.

"Thank you for being here this morning, Severus." She allowed a small smile to take place on her face for just a few moments. He grunted in response before he sat down across from her at the desk.

"I wonder, has she outgrown her old habits of being late?" He inquired, though he definitely wasn't expecting a response. Minerva eyed Severus over the tops of her glasses. He rolled his eyes.

A few moments later the fire changed colors and their guest was standing before them. Minerva jumped up, surprised that the woman they had been expecting had actually made it. She had been very doubtful the days leading up to this moment that she would be successful after all. "Miss Graham, you made it!"

The woman was straightening herself up and wiping away soot that wasn't really there, while she tried not to get sick on the Headmistress's feet. It really was a miracle that the Headmistress still had clean shoes. "I stay true to my word, Professor." She replied with a feeble smile as she finally stood up as tall as she could. Fighting against the pain she felt in her body she was distracted enough not to notice the potions master in the room.

"I think it's best if Miss Graham takes a seat." Severus interjected. In moments he was standing beside the younger woman to help her to the nearest chair. He wasn't a blind man; he could see the damage she was going through. Her skin was paler than it ever had been; she was thin, frail even. And strangest of all, her hands were cold even though she was very clearly covered in thick layers of clothes, despite the fact that it was the middle of June.

Minerva called for tea as they sat there. Severus listened as Minerva pleaded her case to the young woman and continued to profusely thank her for finally meeting with her. He watched the frail woman carefully, noticing how she limited her movement for the most part, almost as if she was in immense pain if she moved.

"Severus!" He heard Minerva call. He snapped his head to attention and peered at the woman. "Anything you'd like to add?"

He could feel two sets of eyes on him. "Hogwarts would be very lucky to have Miss Graham on staff." His voice drawled out.

Minerva turned back to the young woman sipping tea. "Well? What do you say, Victoria Graham, are you joining us this fall?"

Slowly lowering her tea from her mouth, Victoria shook her head lightly. "No." She replied simply. She watched as Minerva's eyes widened in temporary shock and then narrowed in frustration.

"If you don't mind my asking, Victoria: why not?" Had this situation been a few years previously, Victoria wouldn't have spent this long with either Minerva or Severus, especially now that they were in deliberation mode. She would have agreed to the simple terms of whatever they wanted, just to get out of their eyesight, and whatever potential verbal lashing she might have encountered from the potions master. But mostly just the piercing eyes of Minerva McGonagall.

But things had changed. There had been a war, that itself was something that Victoria couldn't forget no matter how hard she tried. The war had changed her. She wasn't the same person as she had been before.

She took a deep breath in, though it hurt like hell to do such a simple thing, and made her response. "I have very little desire to come back to Hogwarts. I'm reminded too much of what happened whenever I'm here, and I don't have the qualifications to teach students magic to begin with. I only came today so you'd stop sending your owl nearly as often." The old Victoria would have never said such words to the woman sitting before her. Knowing Minerva she would continue to owl Victoria on a regular basis regardless of today's outcome.

"That's where you're all wrong!" Minerva exclaimed in a huff. She stood from her seat and began to pace. "You have more than enough experience to teach." She began after she calmed down a bit. The last thing she wanted now was to scare Victoria off now that the young woman had come out of hiding.

Victoria made to interrupt her but the only sound coming out of her mouth was a strangled sort of noise. Minerva looked at both Severus and Victoria. "How you two survived, I have no idea. You've each done so much and I know it's difficult but just think of what you can teach us."

Severus was uncomfortable now, more so than he had been when Victoria arrived. He was on his feet and put several feet between himself and Victoria. He felt guilty and the last thing he wanted was Minerva to drag him in like this to make her stay. If she wanted to stay that was going to be on her own accord, or so Severus hoped that would be the case. The years since he had last seen her had been void of any contact with her, with the exception of news relayed from Minerva. There was a reason she had stayed out of contact and fell off the grid, and Severus respected that enough to not attempt prying.

The room was quiet. "Professor, what would you like me to teach? How to keep mentally strong while being tortured at wand point? Or, better yet, how to talk oneself into living when the pain gets too much, when the likelihood of your family being alive is near nonexistent?" Severus let out a deep breath and turned to face the wall, afraid to let Minerva see how much Victoria's words were affecting him. He wasn't in Victoria's sight and he was thankful for it because he knew the all too familiar cold eyes that would be looking at him.

"I…I am so sorry, Vicky." Minerva softly apologized to the woman. She had been taken aback by how forceful and loud her words were. Victoria Graham had never been a loud woman, or at least she hadn't been when Minerva had taught her. "Forgive me. I didn't mean to upset you." She tried again.

Again the room went quiet. "Go on, Professor. What would you like me to teach?" Victoria questioned.

Severus had turned back around to face Minerva. He slowly shook his head as if trying to rely to the Headmistress it was a bad idea to forge onward with their plan, with her plan. "Defense Against the Dark Arts." She said as she sat back down.

Victoria's joyless and harsh laugh filled the room. "Defense Against the Dark Arts? Surely you've got someone else you can call in." Victoria said as she shook her head and stood up as quick as she could manage without knocking the wind out of herself with such quick movements.

"Miss Graham. Not so fast." Severus interjected as Minerva began again.

"You're our last option!" Minerva threw at her as Victoria attempted to make her way to the fireplace, intent on returning to her quiet home.

Victoria stopped briefly to look back at Minerva who had risen again from her chair. "Oh, please. This is just some sort of attempt to get me back so you'll send me to the nut house and get locked up!" Victoria nearly screamed.

In the short seconds following Victoria's loud remark Severus could tell that something was not right. He instantaneously moved near her and put out his left hand in front of her silently willing her to take it. Just as she was about to reach for his hand to help balance herself, she swayed to the side before letting out a scream and collapsing.

Severus, being as close as he was, caught Victoria before she fell to the ground. He carefully lowered them both to the ground. In a cradling position he held her as her body began to shake uncontrollably. He found himself rocking them back and forth as he muttered the first calming spells that came to his mind under his breath.

Unaware that Minerva had sent to get Poppy he continued his movements until Victoria's body went limp in his arms. Had it not been for her chest still rising and falling Severus would have been in more of a panicked state when Minerva arrived with Poppy in tow.

"Severus, is she alive?" Minerva asked. At first he didn't respond until she put a hand on his shoulder and asked again. "Severus?"

"No, she's alive." He confirmed. But the pain is killing her slowly. "I think she overexerted herself with traveling." He added on.

Victoria's eyes started to flutter open. Severus held his breath unknowingly as she brought her eyes into focus. For a brief moment she looked directly into Severus' eyes. "Don't call me Vicky." She managed to say over Severus' shoulder to Minerva.

"Let's get her down to the hospital wing." Poppy said lightly as she moved forward with her wand raised.

Victoria's body tensed up and she looked up at Severus. "No." He told the healer. "Lower the wand and back away." Severus commanded without breaking his eye contact with Victoria. "We'll move when she's ready." He confirmed.

A little over an hour later Victoria was allowing Severus and Minerva to levitate her down to the hospital wing. She knew that Poppy wasn't thrilled about being told to stand down from helping but at this point Victoria didn't care. Her energy levels were so low she wanted nothing but to sleep, the last thing on her mind was trying to please anyone.

They got her settled into a hospital bed and Poppy promptly left when Severus gave her a quick glance. Minerva stood at the foot of the bed and peered up at Victoria. "I think it's safe to say that we think you need to stay here for a few days." She carefully spoke.

"I'll be fine." Victoria argued. Severus grunted in disagreement and then looked at Minerva. "I'll stay here under three conditions. No one uses magic on me unless I specifically give my consent. All incantations will be spoken. The lights stay on."

Minerva nodded her head. "We can manage that, Victoria."

Before leaving, Minerva exchanged a few words to Severus that Victoria couldn't quite hear. She thought she heard something about putting up wards in the hospital wing but she couldn't be completely sure.

She was fighting the energy exhaustion when the doors snapped shut after Minerva. With her barely opened eyes she watched as Severus took a seat on the next bed over. "She dragged you into this, didn't she?" Victoria asked.

He had crossed his arms and was looking directly at her with an intense stare. "When the woman wants something done she won't stop badgering." He replied with an eye roll. They fell into a silence.

"What do you think, Snape?" She asked, letting her head rest on the pillow and looking up at the ceiling.

Severus couldn't help but smirk. "Since when did my opinions matter to you, Graham?" He questioned back.

"You're the only one who has any idea what I went through. Do you want me to kill myself while leaving because this beating around the bush is really old and tiring?" She countered.

There was silence again.

"I think it would be beneficial to you if you stayed at Hogwarts." Severus finally voiced. When Minerva had cornered him one day after breakfast and asked him to help find Victoria the only reasoning he had to let Minerva continue to badger him was to see what shape Victoria was in.

Victoria hadn't checked in St. Mungo's after the battle. In fact, there wasn't even any record of a Victoria Graham at St. Mungo's. Her injured foot that Severus remembered seeing as she left him at the foot of the stairs that day was healed by Victoria herself. It was apparent though after seeing her for the first time since the final battle that Victoria had not been successful at healing herself completely. It was something Severus had thought about for a while. At least if she was at Hogwarts, he could help in her recovery or at the very least if she denied his help to make sure she wasn't getting worse.

Her head slowly turned so her left cheek was resting against the pillow. She looked at him for a moment. "Why didn't you try finding me?"

It was a valid question and one she had wanted answering for a long time. She wasn't happy about the idea of living at Hogwarts and teaching. It scared her. It scared her just like the thought of asking for help. She couldn't fight the demons of her mind that were making her paranoid. Sure the Death Eaters had been disbanded and most were in wizard prison and the likelihood that any of them coming after her again was minimal. Her mind was always on alert and she didn't trust anyone.

The one that she did have a little trust in was sitting there a few feet away from her. She was still scared of asking for help. Not because Severus Snape had been a spy in the war. Not because he was skilled in the Dark Arts. She was scared because she was still living a nightmare and even the slightest touch made her uneasy let alone a wand poking and prodding.

They both knew that whatever was going on with her was something far worse than any of the Order members could imagine. They also both knew that the only one who would have any idea on how to heal her was him. But the problem was simple, he wasn't going to help unless she allowed him and clearly that was the difficult problem they needed to address first, because she was still suffering in silence in front of him.

"You told me once that if you wanted help, you would figure out how to get it yourself." He exhaled. She tried to catch his eyes but he refused to look at her.

"That was during the war, Snape."

He nodded his head. "Yes, yes it was."

Silence again.

"Go on. Tell me." She pushed impatiently. "Why didn't you look for me?"

He took a deep breath and turned to face her. "Because why would you want help from me when I was one of them that tortured you?"

Victoria sat up and threw the covers to the side so she could turn herself and let her legs dangle off the side of the bed. She was facing Severus and she fought to keep his eyes trained on her.

"It wasn't your fault, Severus." They both knew that had Severus refused to follow his instructions and torture her, they would have both been killed. Victoria wasn't a war hero in the end in the slightest; that was Severus. He had been working with the Order longer than she had and kept information flowing when he could. Severus dead wouldn't have helped the Order at all.

"No! It was." He snarled as he stood up quickly. He walked to the other side of the wing and paced. "Your young brain can't get the facts through. I was the one that suggested you as our next target." Victoria was standing now too.

"Oh, no! Don't you play that almighty "you're young and dumb" card on me, Severus! Do I need to remind you how I escaped?" She snapped at him.

"You're acting like I'm a saint." He threw back at her.

"You're far from a saint, you prat!" She yelled back.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "You're unbelievable." He sneered.

"You better believe it dungeon bat! I'm alive!" She sneered back.

They fell into a silence as they stared at each other, daring the other to speak again.

After what felt like an eternity they both looked away from each other. "Get back in bed. Poppy will be even more furious if she finds you out of bed." He told her. She silently agreed and climbed back into bed.

"I'm not done." She told him evenly.

He rolled his eyes at her. "I'm starting to miss the quiet Victoria Graham, even though she was never on time to class." She narrowed her eyes at him.

"I really should get home." She sighed. Her fingers found the edge of the heavy blanket and began to pick at it. "I need to get home." She said resolutely as she made to throw the blankets back again.

Severus stopped her this time by placing his hands on hers. "We both know that's not going to happen." He said gently. "You're safe here."


	3. A Compromise of Sorts

**Author's Notes: **So sorry I've been gone. I'm even sorrier that I've had this chapter (and the next) written for quite some time now and I haven't published it. Once again, thank you for your reviews and favorites, it's very encouraging to continuing writing and sharing this.

A special thank you goes to EatSleepReadWriteRepeat for being such a wonderful beta.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, nor am I the wonderful and very talented J.K. Rowling. I am making absolutely no money from this work of writing.

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CHAPTER THREE

A COMPROMISE OF SORTS

Severus had surprised Victoria. After their brief but heated argument, Victoria had slipped into a deep sleep. The last time she could remember sleeping so soundly without interruption, were the years that she had spent at Hogwarts as a student. When she awoke, she was disorientated, forgetting for a moment why she was not in her very secluded home. Thoughts of her worst nightmares flashed quickly in her mind, and she started trembling, unable to remember where she was. However, everything soon came back to her: the meeting with Severus and McGonagall, asking her to stay to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts; fainting, and being bought to the hospital wing; arguing with Severus, and after, him telling her she was safe here at Hogwarts. She sat up in bed, and looked around.

Laying in the next bed over was Severus. He had apparently tired of sitting on the chair beside her and had left it, instead favoring the bed. It caught her off guard. She knew that Severus felt guilty about a lot of things but she hadn't expected him to sleep in the hospital wing and keep watch on her.

He awoke with a start, and sat straight up. He was startled to see a pair of piercing blue eyes staring at him.

"Staring isn't polite, Victoria."

"Neither is wearing shoes on someone's bed," she quickly retorted. Poppy was already mad, and now that Severus was dirtying up the linens, they would never hear the end of it.

"If I remember correctly you slept with your shoes on too, under the blankets, no less." He pointed this out as he pulled himself from the bed, more gracefully than Victoria could have ever imagined.

She rolled her eyes. "I was weak."

"Yes, you are," he corrected her. A good night's sleep was not going to solve things. It definitely helped, of course, but it was not a finite solution.

"Miss Graham," a wavering voice said. It came from Tobby, one of the school's loyal house elves, who had appeared by her bedside with a tray full of hot, steaming food - enough for two.

"It is good to see Mister Snape and Miss Graham awake and alert," the elf commented happily. He climbed on top of Victoria's bed so he could place her tray of food directly on her lap. "Tobby heard of Miss Graham's episode, so Tobby brought plenty of food for Miss Graham to eat and gain energy." The elf smiled at her.

Victoria looked at Tobby. She was used to living a simple life since the war had ended, farming her own vegetables in her own garden and living in a two room house. Things that she did need, she either managed without or made a very rare trip to a Muggle town to get. Although she very rarely ever had a conversation with another human that extended to more than a hello, Victoria was not used to the magic that came with being in the magical world again. That also meant that Tobby's sudden appearance and no apparent boundaries of personal space scared Victoria.

She sucked in a deep breath at the sight of the elf and before she knew what she was doing, had pulled her wand from her shirt sleeve and sent the elf flying across the room. If she had not felt like she was glued to the bed, the tray of food would have been strewn across the bed in the process of fleeing the hospital wing.

"Oh, Miss! Tobby is sorry! Tobby did not mean to frighten!" The elf exclaimed from the other side of the room.

"That will be all, Tobby!" Severus barked. As soon as he spoke there was a pop and Tobby disappeared. "Victoria, breathe." Severus commanded her. He took the tray of food off her lap just for extra precaution, and sat down on the edge of her bed.

She was taking shallow breaths, still in panic mode.

"Victoria!" He called to her. Her eyes found his and it was impossible to miss the sheer panic in the eyes opposite him. "It's okay." He told her gently. "Can you put away your wand?" He asked, when her breathing started to return near normal again. She nodded her head slowly.

He watched her carefully as she slid her wand back into its resting place in her shirt sleeve flawlessly. She didn't let her eyes leave Severus' face as she did so. "What…" She tried talking but she couldn't find the words to explain her panic and confusion. At one point in time she liked talking to a house elf, and now here she was scared of the tiny creature when all it was wanting to do was help her. "I didn't…." She tried again. Severus placed his hands on hers.

"Listen to me." He instructed her. "You are okay. Do not apologize." Severus knew her intentions weren't to throw Tobby across the room and cause him harm, but he could sense through the panic state she was in that she was not used to having people around her, let alone magical beings.

She nodded her head, took a deep breath and exhaled. "I can't teach here, Severus. I'm too jumpy." She admitted to him softly. "I'll end up cursing the students." She paused and averted her eyes to her hands. "Or worse, kill them." Now she was on the verge of crying, and that in itself was so foreign to Victoria that she started to take short, panicky breaths.

"Deep breath." Severus coached. He patted her hands gently, trying to comfort her but not wanting to risk scaring her any more. "Don't worry about Minerva right now." He was going to have a talk with the Headmistress when he got the chance. Clearly whatever Severus had been thinking the last few days had been deemed true despite his wishes, and that was going to make things very difficult.

There was no way that they could force Victoria. From experience, Severus knew that there were some things that were difficult to overcome when one was suppressed for an extended amount of time. There was a reason he had kept to himself for the majority of his life. He didn't feel comfortable disclosing those difficulties and discomforts with others. He could understand some of what Victoria was going through, and it pained him.

Eventually Severus was able to get Victoria calmed down enough so that she could eat. At first, she had tried to refuse eating, but it only took Severus a couple of minutes of glaring until she caved. They sat in thoughtful silence as they each ate their own food. Severus finished his first, due to the smaller amount of food that was on his tray than Victoria's. He watched her as she ate, almost completely ignoring that he was there.

Once she was done, and had narrowed her eyes at him after catching him looking at her, Victoria basically kicked him out of the hospital wing.

"Go and bathe, Severus. It would do you some good," she said with a sneer. So naturally, he instead took that time to go and find Minerva.

She was in her office conversing with the portrait of Dumbledore. "Severus!" He called out with a smile. Minerva turned around. She looked at Severus and scanned his face, but was unsure of what she found. His eyes looked tired like normal, but held more pain in them. "How is Victoria?" She asked.

Severus took the seat where he had been the day before and sighed. "She can't teach, Minerva." He decided as he shook his head.

"Of course she can! She needs to be a little bit more open to the idea, that's all." Minerva waved her hands at the idea.

Dumbledore's portrait had his hands clasped together under his chin. "Minerva, dear. I think that Severus has a reasoning behind this." He mediated. "Go on, Severus."

Still shaking his head, Severus rose from his seat. He relayed the Tobby incident from previously. Minerva's eyes were narrowed as she sat at her desk and tried to make sense of it.

"Do you really think she's that much of a threat to the students?" She asked.

Severus swallowed hard. "I'm afraid that pressuring her into this will only aggravate her symptoms." The last thing he was going to do was criminate the woman for something she didn't have much control over. She had been tortured for months during the war that much Severus knew. He also knew that whatever lasting damages that were left on her were affecting her greatly. The paranoia he was sure she was suffering from wasn't something that she did intentionally, it was just a ramification of the events that had taken place.

Minerva cleared her throat. "Severus, do you think she is a threat to the students?" She asked again.

Standing behind a chair, he leaned on it, propping himself up with his arms. He hung his head for a few moments. "She's been alone for years dealing with the things that happened to her during the war. She doesn't know how to act in the magical world anymore. I'm surprised we even had a conversation with her yesterday without too much trouble." He paused. "From my observation, she's just not ready enough to teach, let alone teach Defense Against the Dark Arts." Severus finished with a pointed glare at the woman.

"What do we do?" Minerva asked with a defeated sigh. "We don't have anyone willing to fill the spot for next term." She paused as she searched Severus' face for anything to tell her what to do. "And I fear if we let Victoria leave that will be the last that we see of her."

"May I suggest something?" Dumbledore's portrait spoke up. Minerva and Severus each turned to focus on the former Headmaster's portrait. "Why don't we ask Miss Graham what she would like to do? If she does not want to teach and clearly none of us want her to go back into hiding, why don't we see if we can compromise with her?" He suggested with a small smile.

There was silence as they let the words sink in and think about it. "I think that given the chance, she'll bolt for home and never come back." Severus admitted. He was going to do everything that he could to make sure that didn't happen.

Minerva slammed her fists into her desk. "This is just so maddening!" She exclaimed. "One of our best allies is going to waste. She is one of the few that I know we can trust to teach our students the next generation of magic. The things she endured in captivity no doubt have made her fragile in a lot of ways, but we cannot simply sit by and let her go back into hiding. She's going to waste away!" Minerva was standing now as she began to pace around her office.

"Perhaps if we talk to her…" Minerva interrupted the portrait of Dumbledore.

"Clearly the only one who she doesn't freak out around is Severus. There is no 'we' in this Albus." All eyes were on Severus now.

"I guess it's safe to assume that I have been elected as the negotiator?" He assumed dryly. "Very well. I'll do my best, but I'm not promising anything." He clarified.

His footsteps and the occasional sound of his robes billowing behind him were the only sounds he heard as he made his way through the castle back to the hospital wing. While he walked, he played through the different ways he could approach Victoria about staying at Hogwarts devoid of the teaching duties. As much as he thought he could anticipate her refusal for each scenario, he knew that she was such a wild card that he had no way of knowing one hundred percent what she would do. He would simply just have to talk to her and take it as it came.

Rounding the last corner to the hospital wing Severus felt something was off. It wasn't until he reached the double doors leading into the main area where the beds were lined on each side that he saw one of the doors cracked open. He stuck his head into the room and his eyes searched the row of beds he knew Victoria would be in. She wasn't there.

"Poppy!" Severus bellowed as he threw open the doors and ran to her bed.

"What is it, Severus?" She asked from the doors.

"Where is she?" He asked without bothering to look at her.

It took a moment to realize that Severus was talking to her about Victoria and that he was assuming she knew where the girl had gone. "I haven't a clue. The last I knew she was sleeping this morning when I checked in." She admitted.

Severus looked at the bed closely. The bed was neatly made. "Tobby!" Severus called. With a pop Tobby appeared beside Severus.

"Yes, Mister Snape?" Tobby asked looking up at him. "Where is Miss Graham?" He asked when he followed Severus' eyes to the bed.

"Tobby, did you make this bed?"

"No, sir. Tobby has not been back since Miss Graham shooed him away." Tobby explained politely.

Severus was now a little less alarmed than he had been. Had Victoria made a break for Hogsmeade to apparate she wouldn't have wasted energy in making the bed. "That is all, Tobby." Severus said turning on his heel.

"Severus, is everything all right. Do I need to get Minerva?" Poppy asked when he reached the door.

"No, don't get Minerva. It seems that Miss Graham has gone on an adventure in the castle." He stated. "I know exactly where to find her." With that he left the healer and headed for the library by himself.

He made quick time to the library. He opened the door slowly and slipped in. "Victoria." He called out. He definitely didn't want to sneak up and be on the receiving end of Victoria's wand.

"Severus." Victoria called back. "It's nice being in the library without Madam Pince watching my every move." She kept talking to allow Severus to find her. He found her in the spot that he knew she would be in, the one at the very back, farthest from the desk that the librarian used to sit at.

"If you wouldn't have fallen asleep in here so often she wouldn't have found the need to keep an eye on you." He answered from a couple of book stacks away.

Victoria rolled her eyes even though he couldn't see her yet. "It's not like I was the Weasley twins. I just couldn't stay awake when doing homework." She admitted as he appeared before her.

"You were just always late." He reasoned with a grunt.

"I'm surprised you didn't send a search party out." She told him. "Go on, sit down. I haven't much patience to sit in the hospital wing for the rest of the day when she keeps popping in and glaring at me." Victoria instructed in reference to Poppy.

He welcomed the invitation and sat down at the table across from her. "You didn't go far. You made your bed."

She snorted. "You're assuming that I either don't make my bed at all or that I would be careless about it if I did decide to skip right on out of the castle?" Severus made no attempt to hide his annoyance with her pointless chatter. "What?" She asked suddenly very serious. When she realized he was probably thinking about what to say, or how to say it she spoke up. "Remember, I don't like this beating around the bush thing." She warned him.

"We don't want you to leave." He started. When she opened her mouth to speak he held a hand up to silence her. "Let me finish, please." He waited until she gave an affirmative nod for him to continue. "We don't want you leave. But we understand teaching is not the appropriate option."

Victoria began to shake her head slowly. "Then why would I stay here? Like I said, I don't want to be here and if I'm not be productive, then why should I bother?" She interrupted.

Severus cursed how stubborn she was being. "I'm not going to lie to you, Victoria. We're afraid that if you leave, you won't be seen again." And that you'll die alone. No one deserves to suffer and die alone - especially you, he thought to himself.

She started to chew on her bottom lip, a sign that Severus knew meant that she was thinking hard about something, and was trying to find the right words; he was surprised that the old nervous habit was still something she did. "I don't want to leave." She told him slowly. "But, I don't want to be a burden while I'm around here." She continued quietly. Her voice was so soft and quiet that Severus found himself leaning across the table towards her to hear her.

"I know you're not going to accept this today or tomorrow but you need to know you're not a burden, Victoria." Everything in his head seemed to disappear. He was focused completely on Victoria. "It's a different time, everyone is adjusting." He added on thoughtfully.

She sniffed, trying to keep the tears that had formed in her eyes from spilling. "Severus, I don't know how I'm going to do it." Had she been able to say more at the moment without more tears falling she would have asked if there was a manual for people like them on how to live now that the supposed worst part was finished.

"One day at a time." He said simply. She snorted again as she wiped her tears away and try to focus on keeping her breathing at a normal level. Panic attacks were something she was going to try and avoid if she could manage it.

"When did you start believing in clichés?" He rolled his eyes. She took a deep breath and settled herself for the next part of the conversation she knew they needed to have. "So, if we're all agreeing I should stay…what am I going to do?"

Several ideas popped into Victoria's mind. Maybe she'd just seclude herself in part of the castle. She wouldn't be a danger to students but she'd be out of the way. Or maybe she'd live in Hogsmeade. No students to watch for on a daily basis and she would be near people. A slow integration back into the wizarding world.

Either way she would be close enough to Severus that he could keep an eye on her, because apparently Severus was now the one who deemed himself the one to look after her. She tried not to let that annoy her.

The problem with the scenarios she had been thinking of was that she would be idling sitting, doing nothing with her time. If the last few years were any inclination of what new obstacles they were going to face with this transitional phase, she needed to keep her mind occupied somehow.

Silence had fallen between them.

"Wonder if Madam Pince would mind if I took a book back to the hospital wing with me... Staring at the wall isn't all that entertaining." Victoria mused. She was starting to get tired again and if she was going to keep from sleeping in the library she would need to make her way back to the hospital wing soon.

Severus cleared his throat. "Madam Pince is no longer with us." He told her. She cocked her head to the side. "She retired and moved to Australia." He explained.

Victoria nodded her head. "Apparently the old-" She was cut off by a menacing glare from Severus. "Good for her." Victoria said instead with an attitude coming through her voice.

It was like a light bulb went off in Severus' head. He leaned forward towards her over the table. "You can be our librarian." He suggested carefully. The student Victoria had been was not one that was overjoyed by the prospect of books. Clearly that too had changed over the years.

"There's still the students." Victoria dismissed shaking her head lightly.

Severus put a hand to his face. "Oh, I must have forgotten to tell you." He sarcastically replied. "Surely you can at least manage putting books away, telling students to quiet down and making sure no one continuously sleeps?" He added on with a pointed glare in her direction.

She looked at him thoughtfully, before replying.

"Do I get to make my own rules?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Of course the Gryffindor would want to make her own rules."


	4. Into the Woods

**Author's Notes: **Originally when I first wrote this EatSleepReadWriteRepeat was my beta. However, since then I have gone back and messed with what I had written and changed a few things up. Thus, any errors or odd word pairings are completely my fault.

**Disclaimer:** I still do not own Harry Potter, nor am I the amazing J.K. Rowling. I am making absolutely no money from this work of writing.

* * *

CHAPTER FOUR

INTO THE WOODS

They had argued, again. They had argued so much in fact that their trip had been postponed because the yelling and pacing had tired Victoria. Poppy was still mad and hadn't spoken more than a few words to Severus and Victoria. Her responses to the Headmistress were short and curt but still professional to a degree. Minerva learned to simply stay away from Severus and Victoria after the first round of arguing had occurred in her office several days ago. It was best to leave the volatile pair alone and let them battle it out themselves.

Victoria was leery about the whole thing. It all boiled down to trusting someone to help her when she needed it the most. She had spent hours arguing with Severus about going home alone to collect her things to bring to Hogwarts. No matter her attempt at winning on her solo journey, Severus would not budge.

She concluded that he was now overly protective of her because of his guilt. It made sense to her but she was still annoyed to the point where she was about to punch him in the face every time he spoke to her. She had slapped him already, and even then he hadn't budged on his position on traveling with her.

Annoyed was the simplest of terms Victoria felt towards Severus. Annoyed and irritated. The majority of it was how she felt Severus was treating her like a little first year. It had been a very, very long time since she had been that helpless and she didn't appreciate his word choices or his tone. She had of course reprimanded him of such things and he either rolled his eyes, waved her off or sneered back at her.

The turning point of the week since their chat in the library was when Severus and Victoria were left to argue in Minerva's office. This particular instance Victoria had followed Severus to the Headmistress' office, refusing to give up on the argument. Minerva had quickly found an excuse to let them verbally fight in her office and prayed that everything would be in one piece when she returned. They had been rowing heatedly this time for a good fifteen minutes when they heard someone clear their throat.

It was the portrait of Dumbledore. He managed to quiet the pair down and calmly talked some sense into each of them. In the end Dumbledore's portrait told Victoria that if she let anyone travel with her it had to be Severus, that he could be trusted with anything. Victoria, though upset with Severus for treating her like an eleven year old girl, listened to the portrait and agreed to let Severus accompany her home. Severus, having thought he had won, had smirked at Victoria before being rounded on by the portrait about learning how to be more patient with his friends and to not raise his voice so much with a lady.

* * *

"Stop fidgeting." Severus snapped at her. They were standing just outside the castle gates at the apparition point. He was waiting for her to take point of their travel plans since he had absolutely no idea where they would be going. She had begun to tap her foot and hum under her breath.

Her head snapped around to glare at him. "Your arm." She spat as she extended her elbow for him to take.

"It's about time." He muttered to himself quietly, but it was loud enough so that Victoria heard as he took her elbow. Instead of a reply that he was probably expecting, Victoria Apparated them both with a pop.

"Don't make me leave you somewhere unpleasant." She warned when they arrived. Severus rolled his eyes and followed her out of the dingy alleyway they had arrived in. "Don't stare, it's not nice." She told him over her shoulder as they rounded the first corner. At first, Severus thought she was just saying things to annoy him; until they rounded another corner. Severus found himself face to face with a brilliant white horse. It wasn't just any white horse, however - it was one with a rainbow colored mane, and something ridiculous was sticking out from it's head. And it was being called a unicorn. He rolled his eyes at the wannabe creature.

Victoria quickened her pace a little and led the way through crowded streets until they were nearly a mile away from the dingy alley. "What are we doing here?" Severus asked when they approached the train station.

"I would have thought you were bright enough to have figured this out." She snarled while digging into her pockets for muggle money. Victoria purchased two train tickets and continued on with Severus on her right side as they walked.

As they walked he tried not to notice how she constantly scanned the area, as if a rogue Death Eater was going to suddenly appear and attack them. The thought made him upset.

On the train they sat beside each other and again Severus watched her carefully. He noticed how she held her hands in her lap in just a peculiar way just in case she might need her wand, it would be right at her fingertips under her sleeve. Her eyes didn't stop moving as she took in everyone around them and paid very little attention to Severus beside her.

Before he knew it the train was slowing and Victoria was on her feet. He matched her motions silently and followed her off the train. They were in a taxi for only ten minutes before they were on foot again. Severus found himself surprised that Victoria was able to keep up such a brisk pace considering how frail and easily tired she became.

Eventually, after apparating twice, catching a taxi and some more walking, they made it to a little town of Sunny Tree that had a population of 500 people, a school building, a small grocery store and a church, among the other little buildings that came along with a little town. Before they made it too far into the town, Victoria made a sharp left turn behind a row of houses and headed towards the beaten dirt road that lead off into the distance.

Severus only raised his eyebrows when Victoria slowed her pace for a moment and looked at him. "You're the first person to ever visit my home." She told him, though she knew that Severus knew this piece of information already. He nodded his head and they forged on in the rain. So much for 'Sunny' Tree.

Severus wasn't for sure how long they had walked until they came to a house. It was a nice blue house with white trim on the windows. The lawn was manicured perfectly and there was a little muggle garden gnome placed in the front flower bed. He followed Victoria up the path and through the little gate to the house. "This isn't it, if you're wondering." She commented when they came in through the door.

She led him to the kitchen of the house that for all intents and purposes looked as if someone was in fact living there. There wasn't a speck of dust to be found and Severus merely nodded his head in acknowledgement of her charm work over the deploy house. "We're nearly there." She said in a soft voice as she extended her elbow once again for him to take.

"I'm not going to let anyone find your home, Victoria." Severus spoke for the first time in a few hours. He could sense her demeanor changing from serious and calculated to a nervous wreck. She only nodded her head once as if she didn't completely think his words were true. "I won't betray you." He added on.

They hadn't really known each other that well before the war. Severus had of course taught potions to Victoria while she was at Hogwarts, and that was the least likely way that they could have forged some sort of civil acquaintance, considering he was always in a foul mood and her consistent tardiness did nothing but fuel those foul moods. When Victoria joined the Order in the last year or so leading up to the war, Severus had been forced to maintain a civil and mostly professional relationship with her. He had found in the rare instances that they had to speak directly to each other that she was clever person. Although they had been in the Order together Severus was unsure how Victoria had felt about him. She clearly knew he was a spy but similar to many of the others, she may not have known exactly how far his spy duties had extended, and thus she could have very easily lumped into the category of "Snivellus the Spy" when things had started to go south in the final months leading up to the final battle.

He had to believe though that she had seen through the politics and the strategy of the war because when it came down to it, the look in her eyes when he found her bound together on the floor of a Death Eater's home being tortured, told him that she still had hope in him. Not to forget of course that she had sought him out at the end of the war, merely to make sure he was alive for whatever reason before she simply just vanished.

Severus had realized over the past week that she was struggling with trust issues more than he could have imagined. She was inconsistent with her requests and at times seemed to flip like a switch. One instance, Severus had eaten lunch at her bedside in the chair next to her. For some reason - he hadn't known what he had done or possibly not done - she commanded him to moved three beds away. He took into consideration that whatever was going on in her mind could possibly be thinking about the times he had been forced to point his wand at her and say those unforgettable words that harmed her so much.

But here they were, a mess again because Victoria was unsure. She took a deep breath. "I know I don't act like it, but I know." She finally responded. Severus nodded his head a few times and Victoria could spot his mouth twitch like he had wanted to break a small smile.

"Are you ready?" He asked her. "I don't want to get splinched just because you were a nervous wreck trying to apparate us." He coolly pointed out to her. She returned a glare as she stuck her elbow out to him again. Clearly a few snide comments here and there could put things back to normal.

When they appeared Severus gave a grunt. They were in the middle of a wooded area and he knew without a doubt that they were lost. "Fantastic. Get to spend our afternoon tripping through the trees."

Victoria walked behind him and gave his shoulder a shove. "Pay closer attention." She told him before she headed off into the woods with her wand drawn.

Severus stuck to her side. "A flower pot is your distinguishing landmark?" He questioned.

"Yes." She replied back curtly.

"There weren't any flowers in there." He pointed out as they zig zagged past trees.

"Oh, Severus Snape! You're a bright one you are!" She laughed to herself. He scowled at her but remained quiet for the rest of their walk through the woods.

They stopped at the edge of a small circular clearing. It was odd at first sight because it seemed like a near perfect circle had been made, void of any spare trees inside of the perimeter. The grass was tall, nearing their knees. Something about the area just seemed different, and it was here that Severus knew Victoria had hidden herself away for so many years.

He watched as she cast a couple of nonverbal spells with her wand raised up. The wards fell briefly for both of them to enter before they went back into place creating a little bubble that allowed no creature in or out without specific consent.

Her house was small but it Severus thought it looked very Victoria Graham somehow, though he knew her very little on a personal level. The house itself was a dark burnt orange with an even darker brown trim. The roof appeared to be on the shabbier side with mix matching shingles but Severus knew Victoria's charm work wouldn't let a drop of moisture in.

Following a few footsteps behind her, Severus walked on the stone path from the edge of the clearing to the door of the house. He chuckled to himself when he saw a muggle garden gnome similar to the one at the deploy house sitting in the middle of what appeared to be a pumpkin patch. They reached the door in short time and he watched as she unlocked the door and let them in.

"She's treating us like we're small children and gone off to get ourselves lost." He heard Victoria say, followed by two noises that sounded like doors slamming and an owl hoot. Following the noises was easy considering the house was so small and the kitchen was conjoined to the small sitting room. His eyes laid to rest on Minerva's owl.

"Can you blame her? We've been at each other's throats all week." He commented uninterested as he took a seat in one of two chairs at the only table in the room and let his eyes scan over the new surroundings.

Victoria quickly read Minerva's letter and wrote a short cryptic reply back before feeding the owl and sending it on its way again. "Let me guess. She's wondering when we'll be back. Or at the very least if we're both still alive?" His words earned him a quick glare.

"Are you hungry?" She asked with a wince. Now that they had arrived and she had started to let her body catch up that meant the pain was coming back even stronger than before. "I can make something." She added.

Severus stood and went to the sink and began to open cabinets. "Excuse me, what are you doing?" She snapped at him.

"Oh, Victoria Graham! How bright you are!" Severus mocked her. "Sit down." He barked at her. Not in the mood to argue or to stop him from rummaging around in her little kitchen, she obliged.

After working a few minutes on a stew he was making with what he found, Severus' head snapped to Victoria when she started to laugh. Her laughter had broken the long drawn out silence but that wasn't what had made him react so quickly. It was a real laugh that came from the woman, not the forced one she had used on him many times before. "What?" He inquired as he watched the charmed the spoon to continue stirring.

She was still laughing. "I would have never imagined Severus Snape would be in my home cooking for me." She laughed. He only fueled her laughter with his response.

"I'm not cooking for just you, you know, I'm hungry too."

While they ate the only thing that they could hear was the rain hitting the roof above them and the occasional light roll of thunder. Neither of them felt compelled to talk and were quite content with not talking. The meal had been enjoyable even because no one was being pressured to converse.

An hour had passed since Victoria excused herself to pack her belongings, Severus had made himself comfortable after clearing away the remnants of their meal with a book from the over packed bookcase in the sitting area. Time was ticking and after two hours since Victoria started packing Severus rose from his chair and knocked lightly on the door leading to her bedroom. There was no response so he knocked again, a little bit harder.

"Victoria." He called. When she didn't reply he put his ear to the door and heard her whimpering. Without invitation he opened the door to see her sitting on the floor beside her bed. "What happened?" He asked making his way over to her.

"I sat down to get these books to pack and I can't get back up." She finally told him. The books she was referring to were now stacked neatly beside her except for one that hadn't been picked up yet and was sitting underneath the bed slightly exposed.

"Where is your wand?" He inquired.

She refused to look him in the eyes. "I'm too weak to use magic. That's why I'm doing all this by hand." She admitted. If this news got back to Minerva or Poppy she was certain she would punch Severus in the face.

Severus lowered himself to the ground to sit in front of her. "Any specific order you want these?" He asked looking at the books. Victoria squinted her eyes at him. "What? I'm trying to be nice, Graham." He fought the urge to roll his eyes at her.

"No snide comments about being weak?"

He shook his head. "None. At the moment at least. Are we going to discuss my helpfulness or are we going to finish packing?" He asked with pointed glare.

"No necessary order. I'll have plenty of time to reorganize." She said picking up the last book. Sleepless nights had led her to read a lot over the last few years.

Severus made quick work of the books from under Victoria's bed and had them all safely tucked away in a trunk. Victoria pointed out several other odds and ends that she wanted to take and he dutifully packed them away too. Having already packed her clothes away before she found herself gathering her books on the floor, everything she wanted from her room was collected and stowed away ready for travel.

"Uh, Severus." She called when he briefly left the room to levitate the trunk into the other room. "I need help getting up." She ended quietly when he came back.

"I expected so." He looked down at her thinking about what the best way was to get her on her feet. "Come on." Severus said as he bent down and put his arms under her armpits and slowly pulled her up to her feet. As soon as she was upright and steady, he fled the room.

"Thank you." Victoria said after him.

The rain hitting the roof filled the silence that had fallen between them yet again. Severus was working on packing away the large collection of books in the sitting room as Victoria slowly added her last few items from the sitting room into the trunk and sat down to rest. "I'm sorry." Victoria whispered after quite some time.

"For what?" Severus asked.

"For being a pain in the arse." Victoria told him. His back was facing her and yet she knew without doubt that he was smirking at her.

Slowly he turned around to face her as the books continued to move around the space by themselves. "Don't apologize." He reminded her. "Besides, you haven't changed completely since your Hogwarts days." He couldn't help himself in making a jab in reference to Victoria's old habit of being late; they would most definitely be arriving late at the castle.

By now the majority of the contents of Victoria's house was now packed into a single trunk thanks to the magic of making things bigger on the inside and those helpful shrinking charms. They were set to go, or at least Victoria was ready when Severus blocked her way from standing from her chair. "We're staying here tonight."

"No, we're not." She shook her head in disagreement. "I'm ready to go, and I'm ready to go now."

He took a deep breath and exhaled. "We're staying here tonight." He repeated. "You're not strong enough for travel even if I Apparate us." He reasoned.

He was parenting again. Or at least that's what it would be if Victoria was actually the eleven year old that he made her out to be. "I'm getting tired of this controlling thing." She said pushing past him going for the tea kettle.

"You're pushing yourself too much." Severus countered. He sat in the spot where she had just left.

Victoria slammed the tea kettle on the stove and ignored the water sloshing out of it. "I've been around for a week and suddenly you're the knower of all things Victoria Graham!" She cried out at him.

"Open your eyes!" He snarled as he launched himself off of the chair and into the kitchen area. "You're damaged. Your body is weak and it's affecting you mentally, physically, and magically. You're not used to the life you once lived." He spoke sternly to her but had lowered his voice so it wouldn't seem like he was yelling at her.

She slammed her hands onto the counter with force but refused to turn around and look at him. "I know!" She finally choked out through tears free-falling down her face.

"Why are you fighting me every turn, then?" Severus asked gently.

The tears kept falling, and no matter how much she wiped her eyes dry, they were soon wet again. "Because I've tricked myself into believing that no one cares about my wellbeing…"

"And when someone does you get defensive." Severus finished for her. She nodded her head in confirmation and continued to wipe tears away. He knew what she was feeling too well to admit it to her.

There was a bit of silence where Severus debated whether or not to move to the cupboard to get tea cups out. He had just decided that easing his way to the cupboard was the best option when she spoke so quietly that he nearly didn't hear her. "Why?"

He stopped just a foot away from her and a dumbfounded look appeared across his face, a rarity. "I don't understand what you want me to answer." His response was very blunt and to the point. Why was the sky blue? Why was it raining in Sunny Tree? Why did his hair appear so greasy?

"Why did you do it?" She asked.

Severus closed his eyes for a moment. She was narrowing in on a topic that was always on her mind, but there was still quite a bit of options to choose from. Why did he do what?

"Victoria." He said carefully.

"Why did you make me a target?" She finally asked as she whipped around to face him.

Whatever color Severus had in his face was drained at the sound of that question. He flinched and fought the strong urge to not look at her. "It's complicated."

"Don't." Her words were filled with anger that was arising from deep inside of her. She wanted answers so maybe, just maybe, things would make a little more sense.

Severus swallowed hard and looked down at his feet for a second before looking back at Victoria. "Your brother was causing trouble among the ranks. It was something I should have stopped." Severus spoke as if he had been punched in the gut. The quiet Victoria was demanding answers and he didn't want to deny her, but he wanted to shield her from the truth as long as he could.

Her eyes grew dark at the mention of her brother. "How dare you!" She snarled before she slapped him across the face. "You are to never mention him again, Severus!" She yelled in his face. Victoria left him there, holding his hand to his face where his cheek burned from the contact of her hand, and slammed the door to her room.

He had definitely dug his hole a little deeper.


	5. The Terrors

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own Harry Potter and I do not make any profit from this piece of work.

* * *

CHAPTER FIVE

THE TERRORS

The clocks chimed noon hour and Minerva peered over her glasses to see Poppy enter into the office. "Still asleep." The nurse reported. "I was able to wake her up just long enough to drink some Pepper Up but it did nothing. She did not even bother insulting Professor Snape or shooing me away before falling asleep again." She explained.

Minerva let out a sigh and nodded her head. "Yes, well I'm glad Severus was able to bring her back." Leaning forward she reached for her quill and blank parchment.

"She's exhausted. I don't think I've ever seen anyone with so much fatigue." Poppy paused, looking at Minerva questioningly.

"We will not be sending her off to St. Mungos. We will absolutely _not_ bring a Healer here." Minerva declared without looking up from the letter she was signing off. "We must earn her trust back."

Poppy took a few large strides towards Minerva's desk. "At what costs?"

"Poppy-"

"You want her alive, yes? Well how am I supposed to keep her alive if I'm not allowed to diagnose her? How am I supposed to know what to do to _help_ her when I get snarled at every time I attempt to touch her?" It was a very rare occasion Poppy became this upset. Even rarer was the intense look she was currently giving Minerva. "It's been three days. What do you want me to do, Minerva?" Poppy asked after a few moments of silence. Poppy was not happy being forced to bandage a bigger underlying health problem.

Standing from her desk Minerva moved around her desk to stand beside Poppy. "Keep an eye on her. I know she's strong, she'll bounce back soon enough." She decided with a small smile hoping that her Gryffindor would get back to some sort of normal soon.

* * *

Severus couldn't believe it. The woman was mentally and physically exhausted but here she was trying to escape from Hogwarts like her life depended on it, in the middle of the night. He kept quiet though, following behind her in the shadows of the corridors. His silencing charm on his feet allowed him to keep up with her slow pace without being detected. It wasn't until they reached the grand staircase that he was forced to show himself to her.

"Damn it, dungeon bat." She snarled when he caught her as she nearly toppled over once the staircase began to move. "Put me down." She demanded through a clenched jaw. Victoria would never admit it especially to Severus, but it was nice in a very strange way to have someone touch her after so much time in solitude.

He followed her instructions and gently sat her down on the stairs. "Frail and thin as you are and still attempting a jail break from the one place that wants you to stay; once again you're logic fails me."

"It was worth a shot." She snapped at him. "I'm going home." Victoria continued to sit there on the stairs, wincing in pain from the body aches she still was not accustomed to after all this time. She refused to look at Severus, knowing that she'd see pity in those dark eyes of his and she didn't need to see them to know it was there.

Severus slightly shook his head at her. "No you're not. You won't even be able to make it to the front gates at this rate to apparate." He pointed out. "Even if you could you wouldn't be able to appartate safely."

"I'm going home." She declared again as she slowly stood up on the still moving staircase. The sooner she could make it back to the safety of her little home in the woods the sooner she would begin to feel normal again, or at least what she had grown accustomed to over the last few years. Severus and Minerva meant well. Poor Poppy, Victoria sighed, was just trying to do her job and help but Victoria was the one who opposed it. She was better off leaving Hogwarts and the staff behind, she was too much too handle on top of students who would return far too quickly at summer's end.

Severus however was in another internal debate, letting her go back to self-imposed isolation or putting up with her constant bickering to keep her at Hogwarts. "Minerva would like to speak to you before you leave." Severus spat into her ear as she began to descend the stairs. "At least have the common curtesy to speak with the one who has fed and housed you." He snarled.

Rolling her eyes like a fourth year she had once been years ago she ignored him, focusing on not falling over every step she took. Her robes were too long, hanging from her thin frame that used to be much shapelier, just adding another layer of impossibility to not falling face first down the grand staircase they had reached. Severus let her continue, he followed closely behind in case he needed to catch her again. _Those damn stubborn Gryffindors._ He thought to himself.

Victoria had no choice but to pause halfway. She was out of breath and her chest felt like it was on fire because of the toll the stairs took on her less than able body. "Severus, how long has it been?" She inquired letting her eyes rake over the spacious area at the bottom of the stairs, the very spot they had once stood at the end of the final battle in tatters.

Coming to stand on the same step as she, Severus shoved his hands into the pockets of his robes. "Five years, I believe." He spoke quietly.

Victoria reached out and placed her hand on his upper arm. "Help me sit, please." He diligently helped her down to sit on the stairs once again and took a place a few feet beside her. After a long period of silence she spoke again. "I've lived five years in solitude with no interaction with anyone from the magical community. Not even a paper to keep up on current affairs."

She paused while she unwrapped the light shawl around her shoulders and wrapped it again. "How am I supposed to be able to function in this world again after that? The last thing I remember clearly was escaping from the manor and looking over my shoulder every three steps I took expecting to be killed." She continued on. "Severus, I lost it for a while, mentally. I don't know how I survived by myself." She grew quiet again, turning away from him as tears bean to form in her eyes. Victoria really hated how much she found herself crying in front of him.

This conversation had taken Severus by surprise. He had expected her to not utter a word of what she had been doing for the last five years. He had expected her to be tight lipped and unafraid to ignore anyone's inquiring questions. This conversation also made Severus uncomfortable.

It was playing in his eyes as it had done so a lot over the last five years. He saw the days leading up to her escape he hadn't known about. It had taken him by surprise when he met her on the very staircase they were sitting on after the battle when he had believed so strongly by that point she was dead. More memories were playing, all that he wanted to erase from his mind.

He could still see her body thrashing in pain as she was tortured by the wands of several Death Eaters and then by his own. She had been strong and filled with the bravery he never knew she had when they had turned on her. Severus had seen it though, through the thick exterior she had built in place while she had been undercover for nearly two years, he saw the fear in her eyes that she would never make it out alive.

"I want to stay." Victoria finally said, bringing Severus out of his thoughts. "My energy is too low, I can't even make it from the hospital wing to the Great Hall for food. I doubt I'll be able to do much magic." She continued, wiping away at the tears coming down the sides of her cheeks.

Severus cleared his throat. "The summer holidays have just begun." He reminded her. "And you think none of us will help you?" He bit at her.

Victoria turned sharply too look at him. "No healers, from St. Mungo's or anywhere else."

He put his hands up in surrender. "I said nothing about healers, but I oblige." Severus countered back. "But at the very least let Poppy help you. It's bad enough having Minerva in my ear all the time worrying about you but Poppy is a completely different thing." Severus was annoyed at the situation, though he could understand the reasons Victoria held when it came down to it.

Footsteps were heard descending from above them and Victoria struggled to stand up to see who it was. Minerva and Poppy were both flying down the stairs at impeccable speeds. "Victoria Graham!" Poppy exclaimed outraged. Minerva was supporting the "I'm not very pleased with you at the moment" look. "How dare you sneak out of bed like that, nearly gave me a panic attack, it did. Came back to find an empty bed." Poppy continued coming to a halt a few steps above them.

"Perhaps you should think of wards outside of the wing." Victoria couldn't hold her tongue and Severus shot her a death glare. Poppy stopped talking mid-sentence and looked at Victoria speechless.

Minerva cleared her throat. "Miss Graham, I think it's best to get you back to the hospital wing, unless you've made your decision and wish to depart us."

Victoria gathered her too long robes in her hands and slowly started to climb the stairs. "I have made my decision, as I was just discussing with Severus. I will stay. Under some terms and conditions as you have probably already assumed." She said as she slowly continued the climb. "I presume we can finish this conversation in the morning though, instead of past midnight on the stairs of all places. Severus, you've been so kind to help me this far, would you mind helping me back?"

"Thank you, Severus." Minerva called after him as she turned to Poppy to calm the irritated witch down.

A full week had passed since the attempted escape Victoria had made. She had joined Severus, Minerva, Poppy, Hagrid and occasionally a few of the other professors who were in and out of the school for meals in the Great Hall. The first few days she had constantly snapped at Severus when he helped her to and from the Great Hall from the hospital wing. At one point he summoned Minerva to deal with her when she became too unbearable and left for the library.

Slowly Victoria was gaining more energy back, even with the long trips it took for meals. She allowed Poppy to continue giving her Pepper Up and Sleeping Draught as she felt fit, but the older witch did it with no words and was still upset with the younger woman. Victoria understood.

"I know I haven't been the most desirable patient." Victoria started one afternoon. Poppy had appeared sometime after lunch to check in on her and had brought a new set of clothes for Victoria to change into. "I apologize Poppy. I didn't mean to be this much trouble."

Poppy had simply nodded her head. "Yes, all right. Here you go." She said as she neatly placed he stack of clothes at the foot of the bed and then left.

The night before Victoria was to be moved from the hospital wing where she had been residing since her arrival back at Hogwarts to her private quarters on the second floor things had taken an unfortunate turn for the worse. That evening Victoria's scars felt especially irritated, the ones left on her arms were particularly worse. She had feigned her way through dinner sitting opposite that of Severus who knew exactly why she continued to wear long sleeves outside in the summer months.

She had gone outside to the lake that afternoon and walked the furthest she had been able to since the war, it was quite the feat for Victoria. Severus had accompanied her back to the hospital wing after dinner and was quickly dismissed when Victoria complained that she was extremely tired and only wanted to go to sleep.

The first sign was the tossing and turning period she went through for hours at a time before she eventually fell asleep. When she did fall asleep she went into a deep sleep and wasn't aware that she started screaming when the nightmares began. She was reliving the moments when Voldemort was ready to kill her but not without having fun with his demented followers. Though she was in a deep sleep her mind was convinced it was reality and was reacting just as she had when she was thrown against the wall with curses.

Poppy awoke with a start when the screaming began. She rushed to Victoria's side with her wand raised. As difficult as it was she followed the terms Victoria had set and instead of using her wand to help the rattled woman and instead she sent a patronus after Severus. Standing there awaiting Severus to arrive Poppy witnessed a distressed Victoria as she scratched at her arms and began to kick. The severity of the situation completely stopped Poppy in her tracks sending a chill down her spine making her remember all those bodies from the final battle.

Instincts eventually set in and she quickly pulled the blankets and sheets off the bed as Victoria continued to kick in her sleep. By this point Severus was arriving. "What do I do, Severus?" She asked tearfully as Victoria started to scream louder.

The sight made Severus sick. He had wondered if the woman would have nightmares but he would have never imagined they would affect her so greatly. "Hold her legs down. We've got to wake her up, make her realize it's all said and done." He directed Poppy.

She moved in swiftly, capturing Victoria's wildly moving legs and held them down to the mattress as Severus roughly grabbed her arms. "Tori, come on now, wake up!" Severus called over the earsplitting screams. Poppy continued to hold Victoria's legs down, though she felt like she might be hurting her more than helping.

"Victoria, you're safe." Poppy chimed in as Severus continued. After what seemed like hours, Victoria's eyes suddenly opened and her body went slack for a moment before she started twisting to get out of Severus's grip.

"Let go, Snape!" She spit into his face. "You bastard!" She snarled before she brought her head to the side and bit Severus's hand hard. Severus winced at the expectant pain but continued to hold onto Victoria's wrists. "I should have never trusted you!" She yelled in his face, spitting his own blood onto his face.

"Severus, let her go!" Poppy cried.

"No." He snapped. "She's in a trance, she doesn't know where she is." When Victoria bent to bite Severus on the other hand he let go briefly to smack her across the face.

"Severus!" Poppy scolded through tears.

Victoria's body went limp and quiet for a few seconds. Her breathing started to slow down and her brown eyes began to focus again. "Severus." She whispered. "Your hands, they're too tight." Thankful that she had returned to her normal state Severus completely let go of Victoria's wrists and Poppy did the same with her legs.

A couple of minutes passed as Victoria laid there in her bed staring at the ceiling as her breathing slowly came back to a normal pace. Her mind was full of the visions she had just been shaken out of, she fought against them not wanting to fall victim to them once again and lose control of her body. Carefully she held her arms above her and inspected the bruises that were forming and the blood from the scratches.

"I'm so sorry, Victoria." Poppy sniffled.

With a surge of energy Victoria forced herself to sit up. "Poppy, there's nothing to apologize. You have no idea how much you just helped me." Victoria's voice was raspy, sore from the screaming. She waited a few moments before she turned her gaze to Severus who was now sitting on the next bed. "How bad was it?" There was no need to ask, it was written all over Severus's face.

"How often do you find yourself with these terrors?" He asked instead, suddenly composing his face.

Victoria took a deep breath. "There for a long time it happened often. Often enough that I didn't remember my days from each other. My guess is that because there was no one to wake me up, or shake me out of them that I just was stuck in the visions and took me forever to get out of them." She answered.

Severus scanned her face, she was refusing to look at him now making it difficult to hear her now. As much as Victoria was attempting to hide how terrified she felt Severus could see it plain as a sunshine day. He looked over at Poppy. "I will begin brewing the potion." Then Severus looked back at Victoria. "You know fully well that treating the minor things is a foolish idea. It's in your best interest you review your terms of agreement and let Poppy treat you like she's been wanting to since day one." He gave her a stern look down the edge of his nose and swiftly stood up and walked out.

Victoria took a deep breath and exhaled. "Please, Poppy. Help me."

In moments Poppy had disappeared to her office and supply storage and was back at Victoria's bedside again. The nurse was cautious in her work with a very light touch. The last thing Victoria remembered was Poppy giving her a dose of Sleeping Draught and her eyes starting to close. "Go on child, it's okay."


End file.
